My favorite phenomenon is when a girl changes her hair color drastically and her attractiveness increases by a factor that is grossly disproportionate to the norm. I’m talking like going from being just “cute” to “smokin’ hot.” This happened yesterday, and fortunately I was able to experience it first hand.
Girls, if you aren’t getting dates, change your hair color!
There’s a sign in the hallway that says “What is Sexual Harassment?” in large letters. I am going to print out an arrow and find someone to stand next to it with me for a few hours with their hand positioned awkwardly on my inner thigh.
I wish people walked around with their names displayed over their head in large letters like in MMOs. It would be a lot easier for me to Facebook stalk cute girls I saw around campus.
On the topic of diet, exercise, and weightlifting:
Scott: “I was pretty into lifting weights last year for about 2 or 3 weeks then I just stopped.”
Me: “Psht, why were YOU lifting weights?! You plan on breaking up with your girlfriend or something?!”
Scott: “No I just..”
Me: “Only time you should be lifting weights is when you are looking for a girlfriend or planning on breaking up with your current one.”
Scott: “Yeah? So when do you start lifting weights?”
Me: “The day you have to be strong to push buttons on a keyboard.”
It’s a Friday night at 7 pm and I just finished doing homework/project work. I couldn’t go to band practice cause I’m so bogged down with work since next Tuesday and Wednesday are wiped out (I’m involved in a top-super Government experiment that involves tubes and my throat, no homo) and I have Blink tickets for Sunday. There are not enough days in the weekend, especially this weekend. Which is ironic to come from me cause it’s Homecoming weekend and I dislike festivities of the like very much.
So today I was walking in the hallway after class and heard two students engaged in conversation. One told the other that he planned on “Smoking a blunt and then getting some half-priced apps.”
I was instantly excited! I figured that I had missed some sort of special that Apple was running, so I grabbed my iPhone and rushed to check it out.
As I was looking for my App Store icon, it hit me. He wasn’t talking about applications. He was talking about appetizers. Half-priced ones. From Applebees. The kind that you eat that aren’t good but will satisfy the munchies you get from smoking marijuana.
The one good thing that came out of this is that it helped me realize just how cool I am. Really. I’m like Elvis.
So I was flipping channels the other night and I came across a stripper as a featured participant on the show “What Not To Wear”.
Spoiler alert: Clothes.
So this is my “first” blog. I don’t know why you’re reading this, but since you took the time to come here, I want to thank you and also let you know you’re looking extra stunning today, did you do your hair differently? I like it… Enough with the the small talk, let’s begin.
So for the first entry let’s get one thing straight: I am aware of the fact that I rule pretty hard. However, that is not the reason I am creating this blog. Even though I know you have a burning desire to know about what I do on a daily basis, sorry, that’s what my Twitter is for. I’m not narcissistic enough to give you a detailed summary of my sister’s piano recital today (or maybe I just don’t want to share that cause I’d like to quickly forget how terribly she butchered my favorite Mozart piece).
I am creating this blog because I feel that, for some reason, God (or whatever entity you choose to worship, I don’t discriminate and certainly don’t want to lose readers!), has made me an epicenter for ridiculous and hilarious happenings.
This blog is mainly for me. The purpose of this is to record whatever happens in my life that is funny, outlandish, embarrassing, anything I feel is worth documenting, and you, the reader, get the fortune of hearing these stories told by me. This is a gift to you, as I’ve been told I tell stories like J.R.R Tolkein meets Tucker Maxx. This is also a warning: If you have a problem with stories about elves or hookers, you should probably stop reading. If not..
There’s an option that I can check on the side of the title that says “Let people answer this”. I originally opted not to check that, but I went back in time (yes, I can travel through time, a trait I inherited as a by product of an experiment conducted by my father when I was a child, not as cool as invisibility, flight, or health regeneration but I’ll take it) and reevaluated that decision. Let me know, and please be honest! If you think I’m a tool or a goon, leave it, even if it’s anonymous! I need stuff to write about and I’d love to call you out in one of my entries!
I’m going to try to update this twice per week, and will most likely get into some sort of schedule. First real update coming this week, September 28th. Stay tuned!
